Guide to Breaking Up.

You know, I set this blog up because I wanted a safe space to rant. I wanted to say whatever I wanted without any repercussions or need for filters. Then, I had to go and tell my friends/families that I had a blog and that it received favorable reviews every once in awhile (more like once in a blue moon). Naturally, my friends/family started to ask me what the name of my blog was and I eventually caved in. Now, I find myself not writing about the topics that I want to write about because my anonymity is gone.

Well, F-That.

Breakups suck and I am having an AWFUL time handling it. I wish I could write 100 pages on the topic, but that would be both pathetic and entirely unhealthy. The best I can do is write this guide for breaking up, the stages of emotions that I have gone through recently…..

  1. Denial. There’s a brief stage during the beginning of the breakup where the breaker-upper (me) feels relief, total clarity, and what maybe happiness in light of the nasty details that caused the breakup in the first place.
  2. Rebound. Guys (I’m a girl) usually take this denial and turn it into rebound activity. I didn’t pursue that path, but I can see how that path would be attractive. I did flirt more.
  3. Facebook (The Good?). Denial does a number on the breaker-uppers profile. This is when people change their relationship status from “in a relationship” to “single” or “blank.” My status was, thankfully, already blank so there was no need to change it. I immediately removed all tags of my ex from my pictures. I started taking my camera out more, snapping pictures of “fun times” and then plastering them all over my facebook for all to see—see me move on, see me with other cute guys, see me having fun, see me being me.
  4. Forget. Strong emotions fuel a breakup. Anger. Resentment. Betrayal. You name it, the person breaking up probably feels it. Well, those feelings tend to fade with time for what some might say is one of the “nice” things about being human—pain is forgettable. Seriously. Can you recall exactly how you felt the last time you had a migraine, broke a toe, puked your eyes out after a night of drinking? I can’t. I get a hazy sense of what it kind of felt like but I don’t “feel” the pain. Can you recall exactly how you felt the last time you really cracked up laughing about something? The last time you felt truly grateful for something? I can. I know exactly how I felt, and depending on the memory, I’ll even chuckle or smile the second I’ve re-lived the moment. Negative feelings are forgettable, but positive feelings are not. This is why you start to remember the good times in the relationship. Weekend rituals. Fun conversations. Sweet moments. I can still remember the bad times too, but the memories are not that sharp. Regardless—this “forgetting the bad times, remembering the good times” is what makes you miss the person after the break up. It’s why you miss waking up next to him, but forget how annoying it felt to have to wake up freezing to death because he hogs the covers. (Actually, I’m the one that hogs the covers).
  5. Doubt. Once you start remembering the goods times and forgetting the bad times, you start to wonder if breaking up was a mistake. This is especially difficult if the other person is actively trying to get you back. Doubt. You start second guessing everything—Was the breakup a knee-jerk reaction or something justified? Can the fissures in the relationship be mended (can he change? you change? the situation change?) or is it a lost cause with no other option then to break up? Did you exaggerate? Did you freak out?
  6. Facebook (The Bad). Oh, and does Facebook become a bad thing….remember how you were quick to splash the new, free you all over Facebook? Well, now that you’re in the doubt stage you are wondering what he’s up to. You start looking at his pictures. Who are the people in those pictures? He’s having fun, a lot of fun. Is he happy now? Is he more happy than you? Wait, is that him moving on??? Are girls leaving comments on his page? Who are those girls anyway? Why weren’t they around when you dated? (NOTE: My ex and I are not Facebook friends so the stalker behavior doesn’t apply to my case this time, but trust me, if we were friends I would be stalking his page like the true OCD-ridden patient that I am. We’re talking “wash your hands 100x a day for fear of germs” OCD level stalking. Thank GOD we are not Facebook friends.)
  7. Brief Moments of Clarity. The constant sadness, sense of loss, and insecurity isn’t sustainable so your brain figures out a way to move on. You make an active effort to socialize. You make an effort to enjoy the moment. You drink wine, and try to keep yourself from letting your mind wander to your ex and away from the conversation at hand. You get better at being “present” with time, and being “present” is what allows you to start enjoying yourself—this is when you realize “hey, I’ll be okay.” Then someone will say something that reminds you about your ex (in my case, it’s usually something I would have joked with him about) and the cycle starts over again.
  8. Friends. Girls talk to their friends about how they feel more often than guys do, so I’m not sure how this applies to guys…but, my friends must be SICK of hearing me talk about the ex. They helped me when things got bad, had my back, told me that I deserved someone who accepted me and loved the good in me instead of putting it all down. They organized dinners and drinks and nights out once I broke up to celebrate what we all thought was a joyous occasion during the Denial Phase. Then you start to waver…and maybe you even voice that doubt to one or two of your friends and they quickly give you a smack down. They say “UH UH. Your inability to move on becomes our problem because you will depend on us when things go south again. Remember how you felt when XYZ happened and remember that you concluded you wanted ABC from the guy you date. Why go back to something you know doesn’t work. Whatever. I’m not the one that will get a divorce.” Your friends, they keep you grounded (and scared shitless)…but you can’t listen to them all the time because if you’re anything like me, you go to them when times are tough but do just fine when things are going well. You gave them information that guarantees their unfair bias, and that waters down the validity of their comments….though you can’t ignore them entirely either.
  9. Stalemate. This is where I’m at right now. I know that breaking up was the right decision, but I still have extremely strong feelings for this guy. I know that I love him. I know that there parts of the relationship were exceedingly good—there was love, the core-values, shared interests, the day-to-day that is my life, the support during certain events, the humor. I also know that the particulars that led up to the breakup were justifiably bad too—the insecurity, the pushdown, the shutdown, the silence, the reproach, the way I doubted myself as a result. Breaking up was the right decision, but dealing with the ramifications of the breakup feels impossible sometimes because I’m still very much tethered to the idea of being with this guy again. At least that’s how I feel right now.
  10. Time. Life is binary. You do x or y.
  • I/He will still feel butterflies, or not.
  • I/He will miss the other, or not.
  • I/He will be happy single, or not.
  • I/He will move on this summer, or not.
  • I/He will meet someone, or no
  • I/He will change, or not.
  • I/He accept the way he/I am, or not.
  • I/He will something when we see each other again, or not.

All you can do at this point is wait it out and see how you feel later on. It’s awful advice. I hate hearing it from my parents and friends, but it’s true. Right now I’m too deep in it to have any sense of what the “right” outcome should/will be. Time will tell. For now, I’m not a happy camper but I’m trying really, really hard to not let the breakup rule my summer.

Bottom Line. Whatever. We’ll see what happens but I trust both my gut and decision making abilities.

1.5 MONTHS LATER UPDATE: I’m not going to lie, it’s really hard, but it does get better. Steps #7 and #8 were particularly helpful. My friends have been great. Guy friends, girl friends, married friends, single friends…they all basically have one thing to say “Enjoy being single, take this time for yourself, and rest assured that you will find someone great someday.” That’s easier said then done, but the one comment that got to me was the following: “Do you ever worry if Suzy, Mary or Jane will find someone worthy of them? No. You don’t. Because they are your friends and you know they are great. Well, why don’t you trust us when we say you will be fine.” That logic is hard to argue against. It’s also easier to move on when your friends constantly throw stink bombs at your ex. Point #8 was helpful too…act like you’ve moved on, and you’ll be able to move on. I’ve already started to put myself out there, and at the very least I can say that I am having a great time and that I am excited about starting my MBA, meeting new people, and continuing to have fun. But yeah, 1.5 months and I think I have a long way to go…especially since the ex will be attending the same MBA program as me. DAYUM.


Sheer Brilliance—Warren Buffet Dissects the Economy

Excerpts from Berkshire Hathaway’s 2007 Annual Report—Warren Buffet (CEO and Chairman) writes a letter to shareholders saying the following:

Regarding the housing crisis:

You may recall a 2003 Silicon Valley bumper sticker that implored, “Please, God, Just One More Bubble.” Unfortunately, this wish was promptly granted, as just about all Americans came to believe that house prices would forever rise. That conviction made a borrower’s income and cash equity seem unimportant to lenders, who shoveled out money, confident that HPA – house price appreciation – would cure all problems. Today, our country is experiencing widespread pain because of that erroneous belief. As house prices fall, a huge amount of financial folly is being exposed. You only learn who has been swimming naked when the tide goes out – and what we are witnessing at some of our largest financial institutions is an ugly sight.

Regarding his insurance business and ties to natural disasters (i.e. California fires, hurricanes, floods, earthquakes):

That party is over. It’s a certainty that insurance-industry profit margins, including ours, will fall significantly in 2008. Prices are down, and exposures inexorably rise. Even if the U.S. has its third consecutive catastrophe-light year, industry profit margins will probably shrink by four percentage points or so. If the winds roar or the earth trembles, results could be far worse. So be prepared for lower insurance earnings during the next few years.

Buying new companies.

A company that needs large increases in capital to engender its growth may well prove to be a satisfactory investment. There is, to follow through on our example, nothing shabby about earning $82 million pre-tax on $400 million of net tangible assets. But that equation for the owner is vastly different from the See’s situation. It’s far better to have an ever-increasing stream of earnings with virtually no major capital requirements. Ask Microsoft or Google.

To sum up, think of three types of “savings accounts.” The great one pays an extraordinarily high interest rate that will rise as the years pass. The good one pays an attractive rate of interest that will be earned also on deposits that are added. Finally, the gruesome account both pays an inadequate interest rate and requires you to keep adding money at those disappointing returns.

Regarding the Depreciating Dollar.

The U.S. dollar weakened further in 2007 against major currencies, and it’s no mystery why: Americans like buying products made elsewhere more than the rest of the world likes buying products made in the U.S. Inevitably, that causes America to ship about $2 billion of IOUs and assets daily to the rest of the world. And over time, that puts pressure on the dollar.

Our country’s weakening currency is not the fault of OPEC, China, etc. Other developed countries rely on imported oil and compete against Chinese imports just as we do. In developing a sensible trade policy, the U.S. should not single out countries to punish or industries to protect. Nor should we take actions likely to evoke retaliatory behavior that will reduce America’s exports, true trade that benefits both our country and the rest of the world.

Our legislators should recognize, however, that the current imbalances are unsustainable and should therefore adopt policies that will materially reduce them sooner rather than later. Otherwise our $2 billion daily of force-fed dollars to the rest of the world may produce global indigestion of an unpleasant sort. (For other comments about the unsustainability of our trade deficits, see Alan Greenspan’s comments on November 19, 2004, the Federal Open Market Committee’s minutes of June 29, 2004, and Ben Bernanke’s statement on September 11, 2007.)

Regarding death.

(I’ve reluctantly discarded the notion of my continuing to manage the portfolio after my death – abandoning my hope to give new meaning to the term “thinking outside the box.”)

Why I care.

I have a crush on this man because he is just so unbelievably brilliant—he’s a long investor, he’s an anti-flipper, he buys only if he sees values, and most importantly, he’s learned from history. I feel like many Wall Street Investors keep repeating the same old mistakes—they keep flooding towards “too good to be true” payouts and then get burnt time and time again. Not Warren Buffet. He runs his companies with the goal of creating long term value, and that insulates him from short-sighted market hiccups.

Why am I even talking about this—I’m about to get my MBA and I’m thinking a lot about companies that I would like to work for. I WOULD LOVE TO WORK FOR ANY OF BERKSHIRE HATHAWAYS’S SUBSIDIARIES!!!!!! Contact me if you can offer me a position or want to hear more about me:p

Who Says—Immenent Iran Strike
June 30, 2008, 11:25
Filed under: Politics | Tags: , , ,

This was on Bloomberg today: John Bolton, the former U.S. envoy to the United Nations, has said Israel would strike Iran between the U.S. presidential election in November and inauguration in January.

  1. WTF
  2. Would he know?
  3. Stating a potential strike date takes the punch out of the surprise–Will this accelerate the illicit Iranian activity? Will it destabilize American politics, shifting the conversation from domestic topics  that favor Obama (price of gas) to international topics (security) which seem to favor McCain?
  4. Is an Israeli strike perceived to be one and the same with an American led strike?
  5. Would an Israeli strike devolve into an American fiasco? Would the US have to jump in? Or, would this be like the 1981 Israel-on-Baghdad air strike of a nuclear reactor in Iraq? I do not believe the 1981 strike had much of a military consequence for the United States after the fact (the strike was quick and successful).
  6. Who’s pulling the strings anyway? Israel definitely has a legitimate argument for preemptively  defending itself against an armed Iran given President Ahmadinejad’s outright denial of the Jewish state and the holocaust. Does the US face a real threat if Iran possesses these weapons? Is there a legitimate incentive for trying to help the Israelis dismantle the Iranian nuclear program?  Bush was outed for wanting to meddle with Iran a while ago by Seymour M Hersh, the same investigative journalist that outed Bush for the mistreatment of the Abu Ghraib prisoner….what are the motivations here?
  7. This all seems like a downward spiral, doesn’t it?

Posted by: Independent | June 27, 2008 8:11 PM
June 30, 2008, 11:25
Filed under: Uncategorized
I clipped this from the Washington Post sometime this past weekend—a comment to an article about Obama campaigning with Hillary Clinton. I second the arguments made below:
There have been two presidents who tried to rule essentially as kings, Richard Nixon and George W Bush. Both believed whatever presidents ordered was legal, especially in the name of “national security” or as commander-in-chief. Neither seemed to have much regard for the Constitution. Nixon resigned before being removed from office by Congress. Bush should have been impeached, but the Democrats in Congress have been meek sheep since the late 1990’s.

There have been seminal changes in politics and the political parties since the early 1970’s. In 1974 the majority of Democrats and a conscentious minority of Republicans were able to unite to bring impeachment proceedings against Nixon. However, Democrats in Congress since 2002 have acquiesed in presidential abuse of power more serious than the Watergate scandal. The Republican party, except for a few libertarians who actually think the Constitution should be respected, have openly endorsed these abuses of power.

The recent flip flops by Barack increasingly suggest he may not quite be the agent of change he offers himself as being. Forget the public financing issue, most of us do not care about this, being of very minor importance compared to the war in Iraq, universal health care, high inflation, public safety, mostly mediocre public schools, etc.

However, anyone who votes for McCain is in a very real sense voting for a third Bush-Cheney term: continuing the occupation of Iraq indefinitely, belligerent foreign policies, favoring the wealthy and corporations, neglecting the needs of the poor and needy, being opposed to meaningful health care expansion, appointing very conservative federal judges and possibly Supreme Court justices, etc.

Posted by: Independent | June 27, 2008 8:11 PM

This is funny
June 27, 2008, 11:25
Filed under: Gender Fights | Tags: , ,

Not sure if it’s a joke or not:

I’m not even sure that the print is large enough to read of the post, so I’ll summarize.

Someone put an ad up on Craiglist, a dating ad. “I’m really good looking and all I’m looking for is a banker in NY that makes at least $500,000. I don’ think that’s asking too much since $500,000 is middle-income in this city.”

A banker responds: “This sounds like a very simple transaction, you get my money in return for your looks. However, the terms of the deal are unfavorable to me because I will only make more money over time while your looks will go down with the years. You are a depreciating asset. Generally, depreciating assets should be leased (dating) not purchased (marriage).

An appropriate response for an equally obnoxious want ad. I think the beauty of the reply lies in the “simple transaction” part of the guy’s argument because it leaves room for a more complicated transaction—a relationship that depends on more than looks and money. It seems like then, maybe, the woman wouldn’t be viewed as a depreciating asset since her brain, motherly traits, career should increase with time.

That’s me reading into something that’s supposed to be funny.

Dark Clouds
June 27, 2008, 11:25
Filed under: Uncategorized

This is me lately:

Feeling Guilty

I am starting to feel very guilty about not working. I initially excused the unemployment, which started in November, because it’s hard to find a job during the holidays, it’s hard to look for a job while you apply to business school, it’s hard to find a job when nearly every interesting company in NY is in a hiring freeze if not all out layoff mode, etc.

Some friends and some family say that I should enjoy the break—that I’ll work my ass off during b-school and then work my ass off until I retire, etc. Relax, they say, when else can you get away with an extended period of total freedom.


Yet I feel guilty. I feel lame. I feel poor, because I am poor….any money I have has to hold out until I get to b-school.

What am I going to do about this? Nothing. It’s too late for a solid summer internship, and to be honest with you, I don’t really want to work that hard this summer. I’m also too lazy for a lame job, like working at a book store or a restaurant. Unfortunately, I can’t blame any of this on the layoff anymore because enough time has gone by for me to have found a reasonable job….this is my own doing.

I’m rambling…. but yeah, I feel guilty about not working.