Imagine a fish bowl filled with water. Water rushes from one side to another depending on how you tilt the bowl. You can tilt whichever way you want, but the volume of water always remains the same. My life is like this fish bowl with a constant ratio of good and bad….at least most of the time.
Five: There are five main forces in your life and their status determines your level of happiness
Three: You can count on this little rule of thumb—on average, 3/5 of your sources of happiness will be in good shape while 2/5 will need improvement. Bad years happen when the ratio flips and most of your sources are messed up and driving you mad.
- Love: For the first time in my life, I can say that there is potential for real love. I am dating someone who is such a good fit for me that I wonder if maybe there is such a thing as “meant to be” or “soul mates” or whatever other little girl idea I threw out years ago. I literally could not be happier or more confident in my choice to be with him.
- Family: Knock on wood, but everyone in my family is healthy right now. Happy right now. I don’t want to jinx it so I’ll stop typing.
- Friends: Someone asked me who my best friend was and I had a hard time answering the question because I honestly feel like I have 15 best friends. I’ve been collecting them since I was 15. I have my bff’s from high-school, college, and now business school. We keep in touch. We support each other. We love each other. I am blessed.
- Work: Not so good. Things boiled over in my new job and I got really negative feedback. It seems like the manner by which I deliver my thoughts conveys the opposite of my otherwise good intentions. I am apparently viewed as scary and disruptive at work. This sucks because I literally could not have more opposite intentions. This sucks because I have been working my ass off and producing high-caliber output.
- Health: I’m healthy in the grander scheme of things, thank God. However, work sucks right now and I have no time to work out. This is a problem. I’m approaching 30 and want to be careful about setting a healthy, thin baseline for my body when I cross over into the big 3-0. I can’t do that if I work long hours, eat like shit, and work out only on occasions.
The good news is that I can take steps to modify my behavior at work and reverse any mis-perceptions people have of me.
This was a random update post. I apologize. More to come later.
Filed under: Gender Fights, MBA | Tags: getting over an ex, how to break up with someone, how to breakup, what do you do if you're not in love
I broke up with GI Joe and I feel fine. Instead of the usual round of long-winded ex-bashing sessions with my friends and occasional moments of self-pity when I’m alone, I feel unstuck and cautiously optimistic of what’s ahead.
Note I: I was never in love with GI Joe. We got along great, had fun together during our MBA, and had pretty fantastic chemistry. BUT, I never felt strongly enough to say anything beyond “I like you.” That’s fine. Not every relationship is going to be epic, but it will be worthwhile so long as you know how to classify whatever it is that’s going on, learn and enjoy what you can, then peace out when being with that person is no longer worth your time.
Note II: I had the whole summer to come to terms with The End. I knew back in May that things weren’t great, I wasn’t getting what I needed, and that I should move on. However, I didn’t want to rock the boat with just a few weeks left in school. There was also that fraction of a percent of doubt that my “down feelings” with him were actually rooted in the general shit-show that is saying goodbye to b-school. Four months and a long trip to SE Asia later, I knew that I definitely wanted out and simply waited for the right time to bring it up (ahem, at a bar, after a few drinks…tee hee).
Now I’m in NYC, in my late 20s, single, happy with my job, armed with an MBA and a group of kick-ass friends. We’ll see what trouble I get into.
Filed under: Market Trends, MBA | Tags: brand name versus greater responsibility, career decisions, how to pick the right job offer
Imagine you just graduated from a competitive MBA program. Against all odds, you’ve snagged two banking (trader) offers despite the skepticism of every single career counselor at your school. Which of these two options has more upside?
Big: The Big Bank is a bulge bracket. It’s done fairly well despite the recession. The position is not exactly an associate position, but it’s close enough—same pay, same benefits, different title. The trading position doesn’t cover the hottest product. The bank’s pitch to you is “why wouldn’t you come here?” Your future colleagues seem sharp and they have decent academic pedigree. You would be one out of thousands upon thousands of employees. However, the firm’s revenues exceed the GDP of several countries combined.
Small: Think small, like 200 employees instead of 20,000 employees. While the firm’s traders and salespeople may seem sharp, you get the sense they would be eaten alive at a bulge bracket. The firm does a few hundred million in revenue a year, profit margins aren’t all that. It pays well, since you eat what you kill and there aren’t that many hunters around. You are unsure if your function in this shop is as interesting as the function at the bulge bracket, though it seems broader and perhaps offers greater options down the road (i.e. You wouldn’t get pigeonholed). The rising star of the small shop thinks the world of you and has earmarked you for a major management position down the road. There is no brand name, but limitless opportunities as the big fish in a small pond.
Question: If you were seriously in this position, which of the two firms would you go with?
Why I care: A good friend was in this position, waffled back and forth until he finally decided to go with the small shop. He hasn’t been there long, but he’s seen enough to feel as though he’s made the biggest mistake of his life. I think it’s too soon to tell, but would love to know what other people think.
Filed under: Gender Fights, MBA | Tags: can breakups be good, getting over a relationship, how to move on., ping pong thoery, what to do after a breakup
Have I ever told you about The Ping Pong Theory? Yes, I have, but no one reads my blog religiously so I’m sure it’s okay if I re-hash my theory in more detail. It’s a brilliant theory by the way. You’ll enjoy.
Personal explanation: I’m 15 years old and I had a new boyfriend. Tall, dark, handsome and pretty damn awkward for a 16 year old. He had a pretty sweet car and was okay with wearing matching outfits. He dumped me after he went to Spain for the summer when he realized he needed to date a girl that puts out. Uh uh. I collapsed on the floor of my bedroom wailing nonsenese “I’ll never find anyone that loves me again.” My poor dad witnessed this but didn’t know what to say to me, other than calling me ridiculous.
SO what did I do to move on? PING PONG. I started looking for traits in guys that were almost the exact opposites of my first boyfriend. I’m about six relationships in now and the distance between the paddles has shortened significantly.
Scientific explanation: If you reflect on your relationships, what works and what doesn’t, then I guarantee that you’ve applied the ping pong theory to your life. Rational people can recognize (most) of the traits in another person that make them happy/unhappy.
It’s natural to feel repelled from the qualities that lead to the break up (i.e. Bad temper, selfishness, lacks motivation, treats you badly, doesn’t know how to communicate, etc). As a result, you tend to hone in on new targets that exemplify the opposite negative traits while maintaining the positive traits your ex managed to show. Little by little, you start refining what you’re looking for until there’s very little wiggle room between ping and pong.
Not all people abide by the ping pong theory. I have one friend who never deviates from “her type” despite numerous failures and more recent lack of options (she’s picky). But, if you track the ups/downs of your relationships and approach breakups as an opportunity for self-improvement then you will use your past experiences to inform your future decisions.
What’s next for me? I’m pretty sure I’m heading towards another break up. I’d give it a 10% chance of survival. He’s a good guy, the relationship has been good, but it feel like its winding down. I’ve noticed that being with him generates more upsets than happiness (lately). Although I hate endings, my intuition has a good sense of where I should ping pong to next:
- Love the confidence, intelligence, strong communication skills and chemistry
- Love his sense of honor, loyalty.
- Love his support of me.
- Dislike his autonomous take on relationships because I’m looking for more of a partnership
- Uncomfortable with his excessiveness. He’s either really hot towards me or frightening cold. He’s either obsessed with working out or potato couch. He is either stone sober/anti-social or the most wasted person at a party.
- Incompatible with his timing—I don’t see him settling down for another 4-6 years
I’m trying to grapple with things now, live the moment, etc. This is hard to do once you know things are fizzling down. We’ll see what happens next.