bluntlysaid

I live in a city where most of the people that ran in my social circle back in high school are married. In fact, most married before they turned 25 years old. They have fun. They go to dinner parties with other couples. Plan bar or club nights with their friends. Have babies. Own homes and lease nice cars. I think most of them are happy, and that makes me happy. But, it’s not my reality (yet).

I’m stuck on this concept of competitive advantage.

Take two completely hypothetical women. Both are attractive, interesting, smart, social and “likeable.” Lets call them Anna and Victoria. Both women have boyfriends throughout high school and college, but unlike Victoria, Anna finds herself in a great relationship shortly after graduating college. She marries this man at 25, has kids a few years later, and lives her life.

Victoria gets a job after college and moves to a bigger city. She meets people from all over the world, dates, makes a name for herself in her industry, gets promoted, etc. She moves around as her career progresses; both her experiences and circle of friends grow increasingly dynamic with time. At some point she meets a guy that’s worth sticking with for a long, long time. Victoria finds herself in a healthy, loving relationship, gets married at 31 and has children.

All things being equal, what’s the difference between being married for 60 years or 54 years? I would think that the years start to melt together after awhile. After all, both women reach the same family milestones (i.e. marriage, kids, empty nest) so what is the advantage of marrying at a young age? Is there a penalty for marrying too young or too old?

Real Facebook Picture

The answer to that question depends on your own experiences. I personally think that Victoria has a major competitive advantage over Anna—Victoria lived in cool places, did cool things, and had a more “unique” experience during her 20s while still achieving all of the same milestones her best friend Anna hit at 25 (albeit, a few years later). Victoria came out with the same “experiences” as Anna and then some

If experiences are valuable, then it seems like Victoria extracted more value from her life because she came out with more diverse experiences…that is a HUGE competitive advantage when you grow old, get to the end of the day and wonder “did I life my life to the fullest.”

Flaw: Maybe Victoria lives this great, independent life but then doesn’t meet any great guys because all the great guys married the Anna’s of the world. Then Victoria would be a huge loss because having a family, having children….those are priceless experiences.

Flaw: Maybe Victoria’s marriage has a better probability of avoiding divorce because she and her husband truly know themselves before they get married—they know what they want, their strengths, flaws, and how the relationship fits into this equation. Maybe Anna and her husband didn’t “know” themselves that well when they get married and grow apart 20 or 30 years down the road. Who knows.

Counter Argument: I’m not saying that it’s bad to marry young. By all means, if you find the love of your life then GO for it because you will be happy. In fact, many women marry young and then continue to pursue interesting life experiences accompanied by an awesome guy.

What I’m saying is that it’s not bad to get married a few years above the “average marriage age” in my home town. What I’m saying is that both Victoria and Anna are great catches, and both will (very probably) end up with great guys….so at the end of the day, there is no penalty for waiting a few years before getting married. At the end of the day, waiting may have made all the difference.